Emma | Preppy | Law Student | Sewist | Traveller | Spoonie



As many of you have noticed, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted anything. Unfortunately, my illness demoted The Pacific Blonde to the backseat.

This time has allowed me to reflect on what I want from this blog, and from myself. As, of course, the new year is fast approaching, I thought it was a good time for reflection and resolution.

Three weeks ago, I developed somewhat of a neuropathic itch. I use the term itch loosely; I was more inclined to rip my skin off and stab the nearest person. As it is the holiday season, no one could really do anything; my body was simply being 150% inconvenient. Antihistamines and other such ‘itch’ blockers were doing nothing but make me iller.

Eventually, it got to a point where I could no longer cope; I couldn’t wait the two weeks for my ketamine infusion was booked. So, ever the asshole, I walked into emergency and had myself admitted there.

I went in with self-inflicted cuts and scrapes up my arms, stomach and inner thighs. I was scratching every second of the day. Yet, somehow, I decided that I was being ‘rude’ and pushing in.

So, reflection number one: if your illness is causing you to essentially self-harm, going to the ER isn’t rude, inconvenient or asshole-y. It’s necessary. 

After four days of sitting in the hospital (with only two visitors aside from my mum), I made a second note – no one truly understands hospital visits. For a healthy person, they’re an abstract concept – they see ‘lying in bed’ and the hand-delivered meals as being not so bad. They don’t realize that the drugs are making you want to vomit, lie on the floor, cry, scream and itch. In fact, they think that sending snapchats or hundreds of texts is a substitute for their presence; it’s not.

Resolution: tell my friends that constant communication isn’t a substitute for their presence.

This only covers a week of my absence – so what was I doing the rest of the time?

Well, dear reader, let me tell you.

I mentioned a few times that it’s the holiday season. Fun fact; Christmas is one of the most stress-inducing times of the year. In addition to two parties (yes I said TWO), there’s always family to cope with, as well as presents, shopping, cooking, cleaning and did I mention family? I’m more than sure that many of you are in the same boat.

Reflection: Christmas is hard, and needs to be paced. Also, online shopping is the only way to shop if you’re chronically ill.

I’ll hopefully be giving you a post of coping with family during Christmas time soon.

I’ve also hit a few snags with my health. My Mirena, which was put in in November, had caused me to put on 15 kilos in a month. Which, considering my start weight was 52kgs, is quite a lot. So, after several trips to the gynecologist, it was removed. In the chair. With no anesthetic. That shit hurts guys. But it was a price I was willing to pay for it to be out of me.

I’m now back on the pill, and diuretics to lose the weight. I feel like shit, which is about right – I was an A cup, now I’m an E. Having said that, I’m trying to keep up my exercise and medication intake and keep a positive mindset. This isn’t be getting ‘fat’; this is a function of my illness.

Resolution: be nicer to my body. Differentiate between what is caused by my illnesses or medication, and what’s caused by my behavior.

For one of my parties, one of my friends gave me a mug that she’d made on Vistaprint. Honestly, it was quite rude of her – making mugs is obsessive. The one I was gifted says ‘take your complete immune system and leave’ which is 873% appropriate. However, with the number of sleepless nights and early mornings that I’ve had of recent, it’s opened a whole lot of new doors for me.

See, while I was looking for material for my mugs, I came across a number of quotes that are to die for. In fact, these quotes gave me the idea for this post; reflect and change yourself.

In addition to ‘live your dreams or you’ll end up working for someone else’s’, and ‘coffee for what you can change, wine for what you can’t’, I picked up a whole bunch of inspiring quotes. If you want to see them, they’re on The Pacific Blonde’s Christmas page.

Thank you for sticking with me over the last few weeks. Hopefully, I’ll be back at it soon. If I don’t get back on the blog before then, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas, and I hope Santa comes to your door.

The Pacific Blonde, 2017